Own: Face It Till You Make It
Note: This blog is a personal recollection of survival and faith, and not a substitute for professional counseling or advise. Read at your own risk. When in doubt, seek out a professional opinion.
A Jonah Day
A few years ago, I had the opportunity to think a whole lot about Jonah because my daughter was going through a serious Veggietales binge, and at the same time she loved a certain pop-up book where she would “help” a very big fish swallow Jonah whole!
Jonah was also one of the poetic books that we studied in one of my Hebrew classes at university. Did you know that the Book of Jonah is a Hebrew poem, full of alliteration and meaning and beauty? A few things I still remember are that the name Jonah means “dove” and the word for sailor in Hebrew literally means “salty one.”
During Old Testament times, turtle doves (tor) or pigeons (yonah) were allowed as substitutes for the more expensive, lavish sacrifices of the rich. Doves, therefore, were the sacrifice of the poor. They are mentioned in scripture as having a mournful song, and were symbolic of both innocence and tender vulnerability. This may be just me, but I also think about calling birds. Considering the story of Jonah, this reminds me of how a missionary is “sent out” with a message in his or her “beak” to proclaim the truth of God’s mercy and love. (Jonah was not the most willing, but he was a missionary none-the-less!)
Jonah happens to be one of my mom’s favorite Biblical prophets. Do you know why? It’s because he never says one glamorous, glorious, or even good thing about himself in his entire book. The Bible leaves us guessing as to whether or not Jonah truly repented of his lack of compassion toward the Ninevites (something which he struggled with from beginning to end). Yet, it’s interesting to note that the Ninevites have long revered and honored the prophet Jonah even to this day.
The Ninevites claim that Jonah lived among them for the rest of his life. A place called Jonah’s Tomb was considered sacred to them until very recently, when it was destroyed during a political conflict.
One of my favorite scenes from the movie Anne of Avonlea includes a quote about Jonah. Anne is chastising herself over how she had just treated her good friend Gilbert Blythe during an argument. She tearfully throws herself on her bed, and says:
“Oh Marilla, such a Jonah day!”
It’s such a vivid reminder to me that every person on earth knows what it’s like to go through failure. That doesn’t magically make everything “A-okay!” But, it does help me to see my life through God’s perspective a little bit more.
When I am weighed down by the heaviness of my own failure, I think of Jonah. I think about the fact that even though God had to hurl him out of the belly of a big fish (and spit him up onto dry land!) he still used his life for great good. I believe there are even some Ninevites in Heaven today because Jonah took the message of repentance and forgiveness to them (albeit while kicking and screaming all the way!)
Get Out of Jail Free Card?
It’s good for us to remember that God can still use us, even after we’ve royally blown it. Let’s talk about the fact though, that grace is not an exemption from all consequences.
There are times when God spares us from consequences in this life, even when they are well deserved. Fundamentally God’s grace has provided a way to spare us from the greatest consequence of all: being apart from Him for all eternity. Yet, God is also a loving Father who wants to teach us the right ways to walk. Oftentimes this means allowing us to bear the weight of the natural consequences of our actions - even when those actions were not intentional.
So, what is all of this talk about grace, if God doesn’t spare us from the fallout?
A Balancing Act
I have to be careful here. Many people who carry a moral burden already feel as if the consequences they’ve faced were not nearly enough.
An article by The New Yorker entitled, The Sorrow and Shame of the Accidental Killer, recounts the story of a woman called “Patricia” who accidentally struck and killed a man riding his motorcycle. She had been momentarily blinded by the sun while driving home when the accident happened. The article recalls that: “She sent a letter to the state’s attorney asking him to please put her away.”
That is exactly why I must tread softly here. When someone is grappling with a moral wound, it is important not to take on more blame than is actually due. God does not want us to believe lies. What is more, our own internal critic can often be harsher than any external source. Instead, God wants us to walk in complete and balanced truth- which can be very difficult to do. Additionally, many people coping with a moral wound may also find themselves struggling with self-advocacy or the ability to see themselves as worthy of protection or love.
Every persons circumstances are different. What may seem very black and white to outsiders can be very grey. There can be factors that others might not understand or are not willing to acknowledge. In light of all these things, how can we (as finite mortal human beings) best discern the actions for which we need to own, and the things that are truly outside of our control? I believe this is something that only time and God can help us work out.
We each need to take our questions to God, and let Him slowly reveal to us anything that we need to take responsibility for.
This will likely not happen overnight. At least, not when something truly traumatic has taken place. We have to extend ourselves the grace to face things one day at a time. In fact, in the initial stages of grief or shock, survival may be the thing that is utmost on a person’s mind. I’m here to tell you that’s okay. If you’re still in that stage, just breathe. You don’t have to figure everything out in one day.
God will walk you through owning anything that you need to own, if you will just keep praying daily to be open to what He has to say.
The Grace to Face It
Back in 2004, a man named James Anderson turned himself in to the police for a bank robbery (for which he’d never been caught) after watching Mel Gibson’s The Passion of the Christ. Anderson asserted that the movie’s message of forgiveness prompted him to confess his crime.
I believe that Anderson figured out something about grace.
God’s grace provides the strength to accept and endure all consequences that He allows in our lives.
This doesn’t mean telling everyone on earth your story. It just means accepting responsibility for one’s own actions- and facing whatever may come with tenacity and resilience. It means believing God still has a plan- even though you might need to face some difficult things.
This is part of the mystery of walking with Christ. Christianity is not a form of escapism. It’s the ability to be free inside, no matter what the circumstance may be. I love the story of Zacchaeus. Like Anderson, his is the story of a person who truly figured out what grace was all about:
Jesus and Zacchaeus
(Numbers 5:5–10)
1Then Jesus entered Jericho and was passing through. 2And there was a man named Zacchaeus, a chief tax collector, who was very wealthy. 3He was trying to see who Jesus was, but could not see over the crowd because he was small in stature. 4So he ran on ahead and climbed a sycamore tree to see Him, since Jesus was about to pass that way.
5When Jesus came to that place, He looked up and said, “Zacchaeus, hurry down, for I must stay at your house today.” 6So Zacchaeus hurried down and welcomed Him joyfully. 7And all who saw this began to grumble, saying, “He has gone to be the guest of a sinful man!” 8But Zacchaeus stood up and said to the Lord, “Look, Lord, half of my possessions I give to the poor, and if I have cheated anyone, I will repay it fourfold.”
9Jesus said to him, “Today salvation has come to this house, because this man too is a son of Abraham. 10For the Son of Man came to seek and to save the lost.”
Zacchaeus understood that accepting Christ into his life meant more than just getting to share a few dinner parties with him. It meant having the power to face all consequences of his former actions. This is the example that Christ wants us to follow, as we seek to understand what it means to take ownership of our past mistakes and failures.
Feeling a Little Wormy?
The question then becomes, does accepting consequences mean that God is done with me?
I love how Isaiah 41:14 puts it:
“Do you feel, in spite of all the promises of God, as helpless as a worm today? There's a special word for you too: 'Do not fear; I will help you. Do not be afraid, O worm Jacob, O little Israel, for I myself will help you'”
Or to quote Elisabeth Elliot: “Do you feel wormy today?” (In other words, do you feel like a “Jonah” or a “Zacchaeus”?)
Confessing and owning our shortcomings does not mean that we are no longer usable by God! Though consequences may come into our lives, God is able to use anybody. He can turn you and I into his “calling birds” if we are willing to be sent out.
God is able to give each of us wings that fly to those despised, to tell of His great mercy and forgiveness. If we will just give Him permission.
Jeremiah 18:1-6 says it this way:
“This is the word that came to Jeremiah from the Lord: 2 “Go down to the potter’s house, and there I will give you my message.” 3 So I went down to the potter’s house, and I saw him working at the wheel. 4 But the pot he was shaping from the clay was marred in his hands; so the potter formed it into another pot, shaping it as seemed best to him.
5 Then the word of the Lord came to me. 6 He said, “Can I not do with you, Israel, as this potter does?” declares the Lord. “Like clay in the hand of the potter, so are you in my hand, Israel.”
God knows how to take you into his hands and create something completely brand new- something He can use for His glory and for the good of those around you.
The Love of God
As you and I contemplate what it means to accept responsibility for the things we have done- and face all consequences that may ever come our way- let us remember one thing. God’s love is greater than you or I could ever fully comprehend. It does not falter or waiver based on the things we have done.
One of my favorite hymns says it so well:
“1 The love of God is greater far
than tongue or pen can ever tell;
it goes beyond the highest star,
and reaches to the lowest hell;
the guilty pair, bowed down with care,
God gave His Son to win;
His erring child He reconciled,
and pardoned from his sin.
Refrain:
O love of God, how rich and pure!
How measureless and strong!
It shall forevermore endure:
the saints’ and angels’ song!
2 When years of time shall pass away
and earthly thrones and kingdoms fall,
when men who here refuse to pray,
on rocks and hills and mountains call,
God’s love so pure shall still endure,
all measureless and strong;
redeeming grace to Adam's race—
the saints’ and angels’ song.
3 Could we with ink the ocean fill
and were the skies of parchment made,
were ev’ry stalk on earth a quill
and ev’ry man a scribe by trade,
to write the love of God above
would drain the ocean dry;
nor could the scroll contain the whole,
tho' stretched from sky to sky.”
– The Love of God, Author Unknown
Dear One, can you trust that God is cheering you on today? He’s asking you to trust in His love. His great desire is for your ultimate good.
Even when facing whatever may come.
