Her Story

Amy is the founder of Haven House. Several years ago, she was the cause of the accidental death of her 7-month old son. You can read her full story here: (link coming soon.) Having considered herself a very careful and attentive parent, nothing has been more of a gut-wrenching shock. She has known the deep anguish, grief, and horror of causing an unintentional fatality. She also personally understands the difficulty of healing from a complex traumatic event.

She remembers the family and community support, books, podcasts, movies, quotes, scriptures and songs that helped her during the first few years of survival. After awareness and prevention education, one of her deepest desires is to pass forward the same kind of hope and resources to others who find themselves walking a similar road. She strongly believes no one should ever have to walk through something like this alone.

There’s no going back- only through.

Above all, she recalls that God played a monumental role in coming alongside her, as an “ever present help in time of need.” (Psalm 46:1) At first she survived on His strength minute by minute, then eventually day by day. In time, she has been able to look back and answer the question “Where was God in my deepest hour of need?”

No one can ever answer that question fully. Yet God has answered in ways that Amy could never have anticipated or believed.

It has been enough to trust that when God doesn’t prevent your worst nightmare from happening, He still has a miraculous way of drawing closer to you than ever before.

There are some things you will never fully understand this side of eternity. What you can know is that one day God will make “all things new.” He will “wipe every tear from the eyes” (Revelation 21:4-5) and wrap you in “robes of white” (Revelation 7:9) - symbolizing His great forgiveness and grace which covers the deepest hurts or regrets - if you are willing to walk with Him through even this.

Grateful for Unmerited Mercy

Amy does not believe she is “deserving” of this kind of amazing grace. Nor does she think it a gift to be trampled over or taken lightly. It is a costly gift, bought and paid for by nothing less than the death of Christ on the cross at Calvary. He paid the penalty for all of our intentional and unintentional grievances. All He asks in return is that we will live for Him with our whole hearts, and let Him know how much we need Him.

Healing is a messy process, and is itself a grieving.

It requires immense strength to slowly let go of the sorrow which strives to pull a person down into a bottomless pit. It’s somehow painful to let go of the pain. Especially when others might judge you (or think you’re half crazy) for having the strength to move on.

The Bible says in Romans 3:23 “for all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God.” Not all traumas are created equal, and they do not always involve moral failure. However, all of us are in need of His undeserved mercy. In that way, God’s grace is the great equalizer. The Hebrew word in scripture for forgiveness is the word “nasa.” It most literally means “to lift up.” Think of a NASA rocket at lift off, and you’ll get the picture! When God says in scripture that He is the “lifter of our heads” (Psalm 3:3) it is a beautiful description of forgiveness. He lifts up the head of the lowest “lowly” until they are at eye-level with Him once again.

Forget about everyone else. His is the opinion that matters most.

After the initial grief and struggle to survive, there’s so many more stages to walk through. Stages of acceptance, accountability, and facing all consequences with tenacity and grace. Of course, not everyone who has suffered a trauma needs forgiveness. Some accidents and traumatic events happen without any carelessness, and others are on a continuum. Other times, its another person or group of people who need our forgiviness. Thankfully, God’s forgiveness is not contingent upon where you (or they) are at on that curve.

Take All the Time You Need

It can also take significant time to work out where you are at on that spectrum, and it is often something that only God and you can determine. It’s not always perfectly black and white, and in those situations, it’s best to let God and time work on your heart. God doesn’t desire that you should take on more blame or guilt than is yours to carry. Neither does He want you to pass the blame when there are choices that He needs you to own. Thankfully, He is a gentle counselor, allowing you the time to process these things as you heal and grow. Allow yourself grace to face this piece of the healing journey one step at a time.

As you process, choose a small but mighty circle of support. Not everyone deserves to know your story, and complex trauma counseling requires a gentle, slow approach. Take your time and choose wisely before you share your story- or determine how much to share.

Amy is walking this same road, and is still not done yet. She remembers the accident every single day. She does not consider herself someone to aspire to, but rather just another nobody desiring to reach out to others along this lonely road.

None of the stages of healing can be rushed, but all are important and meant for a specific purpose. Through it all, God’s “grace is sufficient” for you. (2 Corinthians 12:9)

In surrender there can be found a well of peace that surpasses your own human understanding.

Through mending your wounds, finding divine forgiveness for your shortcomings and extending that same forgiveness to others, owning any responsibility or consequences, and growing through the trials - you can become a powerful force for good. That is God’s desire for you, and it is ours as well.

In the end, God’s enduring love is your most faithful haven.

Mend. Forgive. Own. Grow.

(and Love Again).

-The Haven House Team